6 Months on T and counting..

Time flies, whether you're having a good experience or a bad one. I've been 6 months on my hormones and so mittle ( much and little ) has happened. So let's get the important part over with. 

Updates : 

-Way more leg hair. Here goes an updated pic..


Now imagine this leg with no hair at all. That has been me my whole life. I am extremely hairless, but now hair is apart my daily life. 

- More aroused... that never changes. 

- My emotions are everywhere. I definitely am just irritated more , I honestly don;t think that will change. I used to have anger problems and they're slowly coming back, which sucks. I am doing my best to control it, and for the most part I do. It only comes out when someone is constantly doing the same thing to annoy me. Other than that I am a happy boi. 

- My voice has dropped , it's dropping at a slow pace but I believe it's the right pace for me. 

6 Months has been just that to me. 

I am still have difficulties with not having a surgery date, not having my name changed and with my gender marker. All the legal processes you have to do to be who you want is exhausting. But has to be done regardless. 

I am two weeks away from being 7 months and I am excited for more. 

I'll update on my 7 month mark, hopefully by then I have a surgery date and date for court!

Birth name..

I literally am beginning to feel nauseous when I hear my birth name. 

As much as I love my birth name, and what it meant to me. How it came about, which wasn't very creative, and what it meant to my parents. I.. I don't know. I associate it with misgendering. I associate it with struggle, I associate it with depression, and hate. I associate it with every person that thought it was funny to call me that despite what I asked them to call me. 

It brings back memories of my dad mistreating me and every tear I had shed for feeling confused. I love my story, I am grateful for my past. But I just don't want  to be sad anymore. I want to feel accepted, and just care free for once. Sometimes I want to live stealth and not have anyone know what my struggle is. 

I know that time will come soon, but for now. I want to be referred to my "preferred" name. And nothing else. 

My birth name is not a joke, its not a secret, it's not an insult, its just nothing. It's not me. 

Not anymore. 

"I felt you in my life before I ever thought to"

Your transition is not only yours. It's everyone whom you hold close to you as well. 

Some people may or may not agree, but when you love someone everything they do becomes apart of you. 

My transition was something I never thought would even happen because of the people I love. So once I began I always prided myself on doing things for myself. Until I met certain people. It not only because mine but ours. And I started thinking of best practices for everyone. 

Allowing misgendering, hiding myself, not speaking about certain things. And then I got tired again. And expected perfection from everyone. Which just became havoc. I can't live just for myself, the results are never how I want them to be. And I end up looking like someone I am not. A lot of trans folks, and even allies don't understand. They ridicule me for my choices, but I'm not perfect. And my transition is exactly that, my transition. 

I do it with others in mind. For them and for myself. Now do I do this perfectly? Far from it. However I try, because like I said, these are people I love

If you're dealing with dysphoria right now...

1. Take a deep breath. Relax, allow yourself to think straight.

2. Have hope. One day this will be all over. We feel depression because we see no future, but I promise there is one.

3. Express how you feel. If you need to draw, write, play sports do it! Find something that you like, and express your full emotions while doing so.

4. Talk Talk about how you feel, whether it’s to a friend or even to yourself! ( No you’re not crazy. ) Talk, you need to say how you feel and what you feel and make goals for yourself.

5. Understand what you’re feeling. Listen to yourself and understand exactly what you’re feeling. We all as humans have goals and have places in our lives we would like to be. Don’t feel alone.

6. Remember you are important. Your trials and struggles in life are here to make you stronger. You’ve made it to this point. You’ve done it be proud of yourself.

Love yourself you are bold, you are beautiful and you are important.