Day 5 - 1/11/18 : #30DaysInTransition
A couple of weeks after returning home from my surgery I went out a few times to see a couple of friends. There was one friend in particular I was excited to see so I could show off my results since they are apart of the Trans community as well. When I got to their house we chilled, talked and right before we left to do whatever it is we were gonna do. I remembered I had surgery and for the first time in front of someone else I enthusiastically took off my shirt and medical binder revealing my results. And when they saw it they looked grossed out. I was so confused and embarrassed that I put my stuff back on. I guess they noticed my reaction because they immediately began to apologize and stated it was because surgery scars freak/weird them out sometimes. Which is understandable right? Sometimes looking at wounds make me feel a little uncomfortable as well. However when I got home and looked in the mirror I cried for hours thinking this was going to be my life now. That when I met someone this was what they were going to do. That they were going to be disgusted or weirded out. What hurt me even more was this came from a fellow trans person. And I thought “if a trans person was grossed out then I’m really gonna go through this with others.” Until a couple of days later I looked at myself again and I couldn’t help but start laughing. After days of reflecting I realized I actually didn’t care about what other people’s opinions on me were. I thought I looked fine as hell. And I was so proud of myself. My scars are my survival, I fought for these scars, lost loved ones, opportunities, and I almost lost myself for these scars on my chest. My scars were now a huge part of me and the body I was blessed with. Don’t let anyone’s opinion on your transition affect you in anyway. YOUR identity and image is what you live in, and that shield you wear is so beautiful.